it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
