It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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