who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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