My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
