I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone shit on the floor
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
