I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
