Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
