Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
