Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
