she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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