a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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