I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
