I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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