it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
