Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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