how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize