Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
