We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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