U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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