i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
