Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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