Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
