I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
