I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
