Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize