Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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