I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
