I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
