i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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