This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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