Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
