I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
