Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
