She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize