yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
