I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
