so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
