I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
