so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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