You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
