I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
