I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
