i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
