We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
