a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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