I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
