Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize