New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
