I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Two words: blizzard sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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