Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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