Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
