Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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