u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
