Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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