we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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