he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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