I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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