textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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