O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
