I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
