Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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