He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
