I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize