i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
