i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
