Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
