My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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