I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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