i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
