oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
