You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize