Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
