If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
