Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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