i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
