We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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