Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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