Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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