grandma shit on top of the toilet
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it fun? or sober?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
