No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found the puke drawer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize