Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
