I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this boner is exhausting
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
