K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
