so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
