Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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