Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
