i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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