I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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