you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
