I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize