You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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