Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
