I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
