There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize