A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
