Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
