Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
