the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could make wine with my vomit
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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