When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Screwed.edu
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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