dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
