No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
