There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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