I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
